A double entendre is a figure of speech in which a spoken phrase is devised to be understood in either of two ways. Often the first (more obvious) meaning is straightforward, while the second meaning is less so: often risqué or ironic.

• Cacti: Rubbish neck tie 
• Reproach: To harvest fish
• Sphincter: Chinese 100 metre runner
• Doldrums: A small instrument to play at the unemployment office.
• Sewage: Legal work
• Egret: An apology sent by computer.
• Sycamore: Not as well as I used to be.
• Ipod: Optical aid using peas.
• Bicycle: Double headed corn cutter.
• Loggerheads: Someone who is addicted to sniffing lumberjacks
Aerobic – A chocolate biro
Tadpole – Ever so slightly posh
Precipice – Push button toilet
Parapet – Air born cat
Gastric – Lighting a fart
Cardiac – Someone who knows a hell of a lot about cardigans
Uncoil – French contraceptive
Unscrew – French Prison warder
Two fold – Beginners at origami class
Circumflex – Cut the end off a piece of wire
Definite – I can’t hear man
Diphthong – Fondue underwear
Fallacy – amusingly shaped
Buggery – the study of insects
Rambling – Jewelry for sheep
Tissues – Important matters Yorkshire
Aggregate – Farming scandal
Restless – A celibate in Ireland
Pubescent – Intimate deodorant
Prolapsed – In favour of having a dinner in front of the telly
Catharsis – Buns on seats at mass
Stiffly – Scottish dance for pigs
Aperitif: A set of dentures. ( a pair of teeth )
Circumspect: The point of view of a rabbai ( circumcise/inspect )
Dictator: Humourous shaped vegetable ( as is potato = tatta = dick tatta )
Colonnade: Fizzy enama ( colon ade )
Disconsulate: A particular embassy ( this consulate )
Hiding: A bell you can't reach ( as in ding = sound made by a bell )
Lymph: Verb - to walk with a lisp.
Humpy Dumpty: One who is Humped and Dumped.
Transistor: A brother who wares his mother's clothes ( trans-sister )
Antilope: To run off with your mother's sister ( aunty elope )
Buttercup: Face down (buttock up)
Leprechaun:: A variety of wheat whose ears fall off. ( lepery corn )
Microbe: A tiny little dressing gown.
Manouver: A vacuum cleaner even men can work. ( man hover )
Piston: Someone taken advantage of. ( pissed on )
Vegetarian: A bad hunter.
Subjugate: Isreal's underground system
Copulate: the time it takes the police to show up in an emergency ( cop you late )
Splint: run fast with broken leg ( sprint/sprint )
Insolvent: fell off the Isle of White ferry ( in the solvent )
Vineer: Flemish painter of floor boards ( Vincents ear )
Disident: Foreigner pointing out damage to your car ( this is dent )
Shingles: not a double ( single said drunk )
Rapscallion: A fancy spring onion
Negligent: a man who wares laungeree ( negligee+gent )
Parsnip: dads visectomy ( pa's snip )
Marmite: mums possibly up for it ( ma might )
Harlequin: A set of 5 motorbikes. ( Harley quin )
Fusilage: Not many that big ( few so large )
Cantaloupe: can't run off and get married. ( Can't elope )
Arumatic: A gagget used by Robin Hood. (arrow - automatic )
Logarithm: Lumberjacks contraceptive. ( logger rythem )
Lupine: Air-freshner. ( loo pine )
Slippery: A bit like a slipper. ( as slipperish )
Skum: It has arrived. ( 's come )
Spinach: Skin irritation caused by listening to government press releases. (spin itch )
Snuff Box: Coffin ( as in snuffed it = dead )
DoNuts: Eccentric Millionaire ( dough nuts )
Artifact: Pretentious. statistics ( arty facts )
Umbrage: Frensh Cannal boat ( Union barge )
Miniscule: A toddler play group in Liverpool ( mini school )
Hullabaloo:: How to greet a bear. ( hello bear oo )
Fiasco: unsuccessful wall painting.
Infer: Someone who makes a living in milk coats( in fur )
Hebrew: - Jewish tea bag ( he brew ).
Dilatory: Conservative sex aid ( dildo + tory )
Rebut: Having your bottom lifted ( re-butt )
Lactose: the effect of frost bite ( lack toes )
Custard: To swear after stepping in something ( curse turd )
Castigate: To have a nasty accident climbing into the field. ( Cross the gate / castrate )
Dentist: Man who fixes car body work ( dent - ist )
Cockaleeky: Prostrate problems (cock a leaky)
Combat: An agressive marsupial. ( com-ando bat )
Arsenic: I just sat on a razor blade (arse nick)
Aspire: The pointy bit on a church (A spire)
Vanish: Rather like a van (van-ish)
Harpist: Fairly drunk (Half Pissed)
Sea leg: The egg of a seal (seal egg)
Cabbage: Opinions of taxi drivers (Cab as in taxi-cab)
Bigamist: A rather than usual fog (Big a mist)
Testicular: A vampire that talks bollocks ( As in testicle and vernacular)
Scandal: Footwear you should be ashamed of. (sandal/scandal)
Dossier: A French tramp
Encyclopidia: to be sexually attracted to small bikes
Cursory: where young children lear to swear
Subdued: a less than cool person
Himalayas: a transexual rooster
Randomise: a squint
Kingdom: a royal contraceptive
Stalagmite: a prison camp for fleas
Jugular: a busty vanpire
Doodle bug: a dour flea
Gondolier: something you catch from a boat man
Dynamite: to take a flea out for lunch
Napkin - of the tiny sleep nymphs
Lampoon - A device for whaling at night
Cantankerous - Chain of shops that sell tanks (Can tank R Us)
Stylist - Pig directory
Hither - a snake with a hair life
Stalactite - Pissed prisoners of war
Picador - Find your own way out (pick a door)
Quince - Not quite a coincidence.
Parsnip: dads visectomy ( pa's snip )
Lactose: the effect of frost bite ( lack toes )
Skum: It has arrived. ( 's come )
Fusilage: Not many that big ( few so large )
Undertaker: Half Hearted Shop Lifter
Climate: First instructions at climbing school. ( climb it).

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• Pendulous: When you put a pen under it and it stays there.
• Psychopath: Crazy paving
• Mistake: Winner of a butchers beauty contest
• Herpes: What a lady won prizes for at a local flower show.
• Postulate: A new name for Royal mail service
• Spinach: A skin irritation for sitting to near a spin doctor
• Algebra: A brasier made from kelp
• Polygamist: A two timing parrot
• Polygon: A missing parrot
• Sentiment: The perfume he intended to buy.
• Polyunsaturated: Dry parrot
• Politician: Famous Italian painting of a parrot
• Problematic: Dodgy loft conversion
• Manoeuvre: A vacuum cleaner even men can work
• Dialogue: An awful piece of wood
• Artistry: History of art
• On-line: A done weekly wash
• Quaker: A posh duck
• Mutate: An art gallery for cats
• Dildo: Pickled pastry
• Sprint: To run very fast with a broken leg
• Portly: Shaped like a harbour
• Suffragette: Package holiday flight
• Rugger: A wig maker
• Bicycle: An icicle that swings both ways
• Proletarian: Someone who only eats common people
• Elemental: Spanish Village idiot
• Toadstool: A porn version of Wind in the Willows
• Leprechaun: A variety of wheat whose ears fall off
• Haddock: An enclosure for sea horses
• Wholesaler: Mobi Dicks lunch
• Porcupine: To regret becoming a vegetarian
• Satire: Seated in a more elevated position
• Effluent: Rich person
• Foccacia: A bread with no interest in the far east
• Dictionary: Leaking milk from an unusually strange place
• Undeterred: A skid mark (on underpants)
• Measles: What artists use for self portraits
• Tadpole: one quarter Polish
• Plebiscite: A web-site for common people
• Undertaker: Half Hearted Shop Lifter
• Climate: First instructions at climbing school. ( climb it).
• Dildo: Pickle in pastry
• Boloney: A disapointing skirt length fashion. ( below knee )
• Coffee: Someone covered in spit.
• Boutique: A Startling kind of hard wood. (Boo Teak.)
• Dilate: Live long. (Die late)
• Piston: Humiliated. (Pissed on.)
• Catastrophe: Feline puctation ( cat apostraphe.)
• Knight Hood: A Contraceptive. (Night Hood.)
• Damnation: Holland. (Dam Nation.)
• Grannery: Old folk home.
• Claustrophobia:  Fear of Father Christmas.
• Appetite: Chearfully Drunk. (Happt Tight - tight as is drunk)
• Shamrock: A Polystyrene bolder.
• Mishmash: Late for church.
• Goblet: A small mouth
• Circumnavigator: Jewish Sailor
• Tapioka: A disapointingly average dance routine. (mediocre tap dance)
Uretha: a soul singer who takes the piss
Mishmash: to miss chaple due to drunkenness
Thesaurus: Condition caused by eating a hot curry
Armish: Rather like an arm
Bacchanalian: to back on an alien
Bin Men: People who ahve been men and are now ladies
Mumps: heaps of unwanted mothers
Halitosis: althleats foot caused by a commet
Cursory: where young children are sent to learn to swear
Chiropractice: getting ready to go to egypt
Senile: what to do in Egypy
Canopy: a scotish inability to settle bills
Tailback: Post operative Manx cat
Pepper Pot: A pot who belongs to someone that stutters
Ponderous: Shop that sell ponds
Lap Lander: A clumsy private dancer
Reincarnation: born again as a tin of condensed milk
Sealion: An impliment for pressing seals
Genteel: Shirelrous fish
Flemish: rather like snot
Morass: putting on weight
Transendental: cross dressing dentist, see also tooth fairy
Exceed: a plant
Freebee: an unattached insect
Vigilant: an insect that stays up all night
Ramshackle: male chastety belt
Derelict: a pleasant experience in Ireland
Spinich: skin irritation from listening to government press releases.
Veneer: Flemish painter of floor boards
Bishopric unpopular member of the clergy
Cannibalistic; A jordy missile
Wolverine; A product for cleaning walls
Organism: An irrational prejudice against Wurlitzer’s
Dossier: A French tramp
Trolly - An abundance of trolls.
Hobgoblin - heating stoves
Comatose - foots gone dead (Coma toes)
Fecund - The one before third (Second)
Knight Hood: A Contraceptive. (Night Hood.)
Damnation: Holland. (Dam Nation.)
Grannery: Old folk home.
Claustrophobia:  Fear of Father Christmas.
Parapet – Air born cat.
Gastric – Lighting a fart.
Dildo: Pickle in pastry
Circumflex – Cut the end off a piece of wire.
Fallacy – amusingly shaped.
Buggery – the study of insects.
Rambling – Jewelry for sheep.
Aggregate – Farming scandal.
Biosphere – to purchase a Ball.
Iconoclastic – Rubber band for securing religious paintings.
Stifle – no room in the pig house
Pulpit – what to do with a lousy novel
Dilate: Live long. (Die late)
Piston: Humiliated. (Pissed on.)
Catastrophe: Feline puctation ( cat apostraphe.)
Dildo: Pickle in pastry
Boloney: A disapointing skirt length fashion. ( below knee )
Coffee: Someone covered in spit.
Boutique: A Startling kind of hard wood. (Boo Teak.)
Dentist: Man who fixes your car ( dent - ist )
Cockaleeky: Prostrate problems (cock a leaky)
Disident: Foreigner pointing out damage to your car ( this is dent )

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